Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
