my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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