I didn't shave. On purpose
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
