i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
