a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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