when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
