youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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