Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
