pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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