so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
