Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
