I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
