the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Text me some of your sweat
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