is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
