My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
