So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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