I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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