yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
