Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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