either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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