His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
