Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
