He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
