i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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