I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
