Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
