New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
