nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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