next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
