Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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