I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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