i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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