I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
