and you said cock pushups were impossible
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize