really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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