super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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