suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
