I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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