I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
