pop tarts are not kleenex
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
