Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
