I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
