I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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