The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
