I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
wow bdsm is so cute
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
