I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
