I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
