matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
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he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
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There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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