She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
