i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
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never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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