Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
