you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
