he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
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I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
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Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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