College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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