When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
