tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
