Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
