I just saw a hot homeless man
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
