She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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