hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
