you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
