eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
