I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh god it's open bar.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
