can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
