it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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