Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
