Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
