im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
