Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
