I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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