I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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