well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
