Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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