I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.