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I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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