it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.