someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?