i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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