And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
